My secret is that I am questioning my belief in the God I grew up with. In my life, I have never believed things that didn't make sense, except for religion stuff. But it just isn't making sense anymore and I'm afraid I just believed it because it's what I grew up with.
I don't want to be the ignorant person that just believes without questioning and it seems like the churches I have heard of really don't like to be questioned as much as I would like to. They also do a lot of double talking. The double talking really drives me nuts.
At this point, I don't believe the things I used to, but I still don't understand where we came from. Or rather, what the first "thing" came from. It doesn't make sense but I don't want to blindly believe it just because I don't understand it.