Monday, April 30, 2012

My Secret

My secret is that I am questioning my belief in the God I grew up with. In my life, I have never believed things that didn't make sense, except for religion stuff. But it just isn't making sense anymore and I'm afraid I just believed it because it's what I grew up with.

I don't want to be the ignorant person that just believes without questioning and it seems like the churches I have heard of really don't like to be questioned as much as I would like to. They also do a lot of double talking. The double talking really drives me nuts.

At this point, I don't believe the things I used to, but I still don't understand where we came from. Or rather, what the first "thing" came from. It doesn't make sense but I don't want to blindly believe it just because I don't understand it.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

The FEAR assignment

For this assignment we were to come up with a fear that we had that we wanted express to the class. I have many fears. I wanted to get to the root of my fears and I also wanted to better understand my fears. So I started thinking about what the root might be and I came up with the root cause being the unknown. Whenever we are afraid, I think we are only afraid of what we don't know.

So my experiment was to listen to every member of the class's fear and how I interpreted them and then trying to see how they could be broken down to the fear of the unknown. The findings follow:

Person 1 - public embarrassment and not having control of a class (don't know the reaction of the public and what is going to happen in the class)

Person 2 - avoiding fear (doesn't know what will happen if she addresses her fears)

Person 3 - velcro - when he hears velcro he remembers a tragic accident that almost left him paralyzed. (what if the memories of breaking my neck come back to me), not succeeding in my dreams (what will happen if I don't)

Person 4 - to be stereotyped as a fat person (how am I going to feel/what will I lose if someone stereo types me)

Person 5 - fears facing a scary creature and the night (scared of what is out there and what it might do to him)

Person 6 - fear of losing her children (unknown what will happen to them or if they'll be safe)

Person 7 - fear of people not liking her blog (unknown if people will like or not like her blog)

Person 8 - fear of failure (what will happen if I fail?)

Person 9 - failure (unknown what will happen if she fails at things)

Person 10 - fear of being raped (what will the lasting effects be)

Person 11 - fear of the unknown or not being in control

Person 12 - fear of having a child and not being able to support it, having a child when he isn't ready (what will happen if he can't support it, what will happen if he isn't ready for a child)

Person 13 - fear that she can't make it. (doesn't know what will happen if she wastes her time) (what if she loses her creative energy, what will happen, what will she become)

Person 14 - fear of being irrational (fear of not knowing what's going to happen, or not knowing what something is)

Person 15 - hate and manipulation (unknown how it is going to affect him)

Person 16 - spiders (what can they do to me?)

Person 17 - the fear of being left out because of not being able to hear (what will she miss out on?)

Person 18 - fear of the dark (fear of not knowing what is there during darkness)

Person 19 - failure, letting people down, what people think of me, i'm not doing enough with my life yet, fear of being a jack of all trades instead of being exceptional at one thing, fear the death of family and friends, fear of becoming addicted, fear of pushing people away that try to get close, fear of breaking girls hearts, fear of being alone in the end (it's unknown the repercussions of all of these things - they're unknown)

Person 20 - fear of driving (unknown what will happen when she's driving)

Person 21 - fear of self exposure (unknown if she will be judged or what people are thinking about her)

Person 22 - fear of lots of things (unknown how all these things will affect her)

Person 23 - fear of having friends (unknown what they will do to him, how they will treat him)

Person 24 - fear of the exorcist person picture (how will it make him feel when he sees it)

Person 25 - fear that he internalizes too much, doesn't share with people (unknown how it will affect his life or if he will be alone and no one will know him)

Person 26 - fear of being wrong [tattoo] (it's unknown what people will think of her when she is wrong)

Now, answering the questions from the assignment...

1. What was it and who did it?
What impacted me the most was the exorcist picture person. I didn't really understand the fear so it was hard to dissect.

2. Why did you respond to it so strongly?
Because I didn't understand it.
3. How does it impact how you see your own project?
It made me think there may be an irrational fear that can't be figured out. Maybe not knowing why you're afraid of something makes you unable to fix it. Though I'm sure with deep therapy or something you could probably discover why you are really scared of something.


Sunday, March 25, 2012

Fear - First Post

I have a theory. My theory is that we are only afraid of the unknown. I have said this to people in hopes that they would be able to prove me wrong. But mostly their arguments have only strengthened my confidence in my theory.
When you think about fear, or when you're asked what you fear, people may say things like spiders, public speaking, storms, death, or any number of things. But this isn't actually what you are afraid of. You're afraid of what a spider may do to you, or what a storm may do to your house, or what, if anything, comes after death.

I think my classmates will meet my experiment with disbelief, but as we progress through the experiment, then they will begin to see that I may be correct. But then they will disbelieve again on the basis of the thought's simplicity and feel that it may have to be more complicated than it is.

This is all for now. Next up: conducting the experiment.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Reflection for class 3/19

I thought today's class, although pulled from nowhere, was one of the most interesting discussions. The two videos we watched really made me think and I thought about many things. The fact that the artist "Ryan" seemed to have some sense of entitlement peeved me off after I realized it. I understand his principles, I just think they're wrong. And obviously he has a substance abuse problem.

Although I haven't had an issue with substance abuse, I can understand that you really don't know the journey someone is on until you have been on that journey yourself. So I do have to cut him some slack for that.

Very interesting class today!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

A reflection on class thus far...

What are 3 things you remember from this class thus far?

3 Things I remember from this class so far:

1. The Projects.
Creating these projects and sharing with the class is challenging but it sparks discussion very well. I have enjoyed creating things when I can do it easily, but I get frustrated when I don't have a great idea of what I want to do.

2. The Freedom.
In this class, we have a lot of freedom. The freedom can be freeing, or it can lead to chaos in my mind. Overall I enjoy it because it causes me to think freely and think a lot more.

3. The Discussion.
I love to discuss things I am passionate about, and so far I have found a way to be passionate about everything we have talked about. I really enjoyed the last video we watched with the clay artist.

How has your experience in this class been different from your experiences in other classes? If it has not been different, explain what is similar to your other classes.

My experience has been very different in this class than other classes because this class makes it so free to think. It seems that the "rules" in other classes, while easily defined what was to be turned in, didn't really give me a chance to really turn the gears and think about something I wanted to do, emphasis on I.

What would you like to get from the rest of this class?

I would like to continue to think openly and I am very excited to see what becomes of the fear assignment. I have a theory that the only thing that is feared is the unknown and I'm excited to see how it fleshes out.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Class reflection from 3/5

I thought the video we watched was incredibly relaxing and insightful. I always enjoy when a guru of their profession is kind and gentle and knows that people make mistakes and to learn from mistakes they can't be thought of as such. The pottery was beautiful and the fact that Soldman knew that his ways don't best teach students to be on their own, he knows that allowing them to watch him make his own mistakes teaches them a great deal.

I am excited to see what comes out of the fear assignment.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Our Apple Bunch

I started with my token that was the Apple icon decal. It was a representation of my zen hour of watching the original iPhone Apple keynote. This made me want to spend time with Apple products, which in turn led me to think about the bunch of apple stuff that we have.

So I started thinking about how I could represent this Apple Bunch in a way you really wouldn't think of. The Brady Bunch came to mind because it was a group of different "things" working together in harmony and helping each other. So I created the Brady Bunch poster, but with Apple products that we own.

It follows...


I got the images from Apple's PR site. I downloaded the Brady Bunch font from dafont.

Here are the links:

Monday, February 27, 2012

Feb 27th Class reflection

Today I took away from class that I HAVE to get a Chinese Singing Bowl. I couldn't stop smiling when it was going full steam.

Having, or rather taking, the time to devote some time to myself is very important. I think my time by myself should be intensely reflecting on who I am, where I am in life, and if I'm taking the time to keep myself charged.

There are several ways to express myself and I need to find the one that suits me.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Class reflection for Monday, Feb 20

Tonight obviously the thing that stood out to me most were the awesome glowing rocks. I really would like to play with some rocks like that so I am going to look for some. Also, the dinosaur fossil was pretty neat. Whatever it was, the fossil is likely very old and that is really neat.

I really like how different all of the tiger assignment thoughts were. I think that is an advantage of the class being bigger. We get all sorts of ideas. I think Sarah's tiger box stood out a lot to me because it was really thoughtful. It would have been cool to fold the box the other way and see the tiger in a cube.

My questions and Mantra

First, my questions.

  1. What if I was being held captive
  2. What if I didn’t know I was being held captive
  3. What if my captures didn’t know me
  4. What if I didn’t know my captures
  5. What if my family didn’t know I was being held
  6. What if I didn’t know my family didn’t know I was being held
  7. What if I was being held with a tiger
  8. What if the tiger liked me
  9. What if the tiger didn’t like me
  10. What if I killed the tiger
  11. What if the tiger killed me
  12. What if no one knew I was being held
  13. What if there was no light
  14. What if there was loud sounds and I couldn’t hear
  15. What if I was blind folded
  16. What if I was being starved
  17. What if being held captive had nothing to do with being actually held in something
  18. What if being held captive meant that my ignorance was holding me
  19. What if my ignorance is holding me captive for real right now
  20. What if my ignorance was holding someone else captive
  21. What if my ignorance was holding thousands of people captive
  22. What if someone else’s ignorance was holding me captive
  23. What if that someone was a movie star
  24. What if that someone was a musician
  25. What if that someone was really a something
  26. What if that something was technology
  27. What if that something was an iPhone
  28. What if that someone was Steve Jobs
  29. What if steve jobs was holding apple captive
  30. What if my ignorance in other tech companies was holding me captive with apple
  31. What if I switched to android from iPhone
  32. I would never do that
  33. What if I never did that
  34. What if I stayed captive in apple’s ecosystem
  35. What if I miss opportunities everywhere else because I am letting myself be captivated
  36. What if I am holding others captive because of my love of apple
  37. What if there was no apple
  38. What if I were being held by other things
  39. What if I am being held by other things
  40. What if school is holding me captive
  41. What if my teachers are holding my mind captive
  42. What if the mind being held captive is the absolute worst thing ever
  43. What if I my hatred for myself made me hate other people
  44. What if I am holding my mind captive because I don’t WANT to like other people
  45. What if other people don’t like me because of my captivity
  46. What if other people like me because of my captivity
  47. What if people only like tigers in captivity
  48. What if tigers secretly like only being in captivity
  49. What if a tiger born in captivity is being held ignorant of how his life could be
  50. What if this assignment just held me captive?

This all led me to think that I need to be aware of being held captive more than I am. As a daily reminder I created a mantra for myself. I can post it somewhere and look at it daily. And of course, I tied it in with a tiger, which was part of our thought process...




Monday, February 13, 2012

Class reflection for Monday, Feb. 13th

Something that stood out in a major way for me today, was that the perception of time is different for everyone. When I said something about Earth time, it is the only thing we know. But it is believed if you went into space and traveled at a certain speed, you would age more slowly than people still on Earth. Therefore time is relative (which I'm sure has been proven somehow) and we only know what we know on Earth.

Time is something that I think about a lot. As I'm getting older and now that I have a child, it seems like I am letting the time slip away like I always heard adults talk about when I was a child. But I think that I can over come this and make my PERCEPTION of time go a lot slower. While it is good to have long term goals, focussing on the now will help time seem like it is moving slower and I will be able to enjoy my daughter growing up more as well as spending what I perceive as more time with my wife and family and friends.

This is what is important to me. Certainly not getting to the finish line, which in this case is death. I want to run this race slowly and enjoy every day of it.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Books 2.0

I have a vision for a student book. This can be mainly for distributed learning but could be expanded for home study for all ages past middle school.

I would like to see a class that is taught mainly with a textbook, to have an all encompassing book where you open the textbook and the words are on one half and then a recorded video of the teacher is on another half.

The lectures could go by chapter, and the text would follow along with what the teacher is elaborating on. It could be very helpful if the video of the teacher was showing graphics and such as he or she lectured. This could all be displayed on the video side while the current text being talked about followed along on the text side.
The advantage of this is that the video could be stopped while the student was reading the text. For example, if the teacher said, "Okay students, please read to page 121." Then the students would pause the video and read to page 121. The teacher would then take the text and either elaborate on it or use what they just read to show some sort of demonstration to help the understanding of the concept and make the learning "stick".



Sunday, February 5, 2012

Go to a library, bookstore, or your own book collection and look through the books. Please do not read any. Just pay attention to what catches your eye.

What is it that stands out to you?
- Colors and fonts that were chosen are what stands out to me.

Why?
- I think I'm a very visual person so vivid colors in the midst of boring colors stand out. But just as much a very plain book would stand out among visually stimulating books.

Choose a red book and open it to page 6. Close your eyes and put your finger on the page somewhere.

What did you find?
- I found a paragraph of text.

If your finger landed on a paragraph, how many times does the letter P show up in that paragraph?
- 7 times

If it landed on a picture, how many straight lines are in the picture?


If it landed on white space, what is the white space surrounding?


Can you imagine the white space as a sea and the other parts (words, pictures, etc.) as islands floating in white water or space?

Using your other senses, explain what the paper feels like.

Is it slick or rough?
- Fairly slick but there is definitely a texture to it.

What does the cover feel like?
- The cover is very slick. It has the words slightly raised as well as a picture on the front that is embossed. It is a very appealing cover.

Can you feel the ink of the words if you close your eyes?
- I don't think that I can. It seems like the whole page feels the same.

Do different colors feel different with your eyes closed?
- Different colors don't feel different to me on this book. Though maybe my fingers aren't sensitive enough to tell them apart.

What else can you discover about the paper?
- The paper is a darker shade of white, which makes it easier on the eyes to read.

What about the cover?
- The cover has a picture of what appears to be a phoenix bird on it. The book is entitled "Catching Fire" so I think that it is an appropriate cover.

Without destroying the book, unless you own it and want to, see if you can figure out how the book was constructed.

Is it stitched?
- No

Is it glued?
- Yes

Is there any cloth on this book or is it all paper?
This book is all paper. I don't see any cloth.

Is it a hardback or paperback?
This is a hardback book

Does it have signatures? (Hint: you may need to look up what signatures are in the context of making books…)
- I think it does but it is extremely hard to tell.

If it has signatures, how many pages are in each and how many signatures are there in the whole book?
- I have to estimate that there are about 20 signatures.


If it does not, look at the glue on the ends of the spine and describe what you see.

Flip through the pages and look at the end papers.

Is there any writing in the book, other than the printing?
- There is no other writing in this book. It is fairly new and only been read once.

If so, what does it say?

Why is it there?

Who wrote it?

If you do not know, then imagine who might have written it.

If there is no writing in the book then how does it make you feel to know you are the first person (possibly) to think about it?
- It feels like I could put a permanent mark on this book. I could then put it back into circulation. Then someone could see my own mark that I put on this book, and then they could put their own and put it back out there. It could be awesome.

Examine the book more.

Are there any stains on the book?
- There are no stains on this book.

Are there any fingerprints?
- There are no fingerprints that I can see on this book.
What do they look like?

How might they have happened?

Look at the pages of the book.

What is the color of the pages? I bet they are not really white.
- The pages are an off white color. I think this helps ease your eyes as you read this book.

How would you describe the color? Is it warm or cold? Bright or dull, etc.
- I would consider this a warm and dull color. It is inviting and helps your eyes keep from fatigue.

What other visual things can you explore with the book?
- The only thing different than the text on every page in this book are the chapter numbers which are in a different font and much larger. They are also surrounded by a circle which sets them apart from the rest of this book.
Think about the history of this book.

Can you see any other evidence that someone else has handled this book?
- I don't see any evidence of someone else handling this book. It does make me wonder who has touched it though and how such great care was taken to make it look new.

What are the edges of the pages like? Describe them.
- The edges of the pages are very clean and straight, but they are textured like they were cut by a machine.

Can you imagine what someone else might have been thinking as they read this book?
- I'm sure they were as excited to read it as anyone would be. Quite an interesting book.

Do you think anyone else has used this book like you are right now instead of reading it?
- No. It's new.
Flip through the pages quickly.

Can you hear the sound? If so, describe it.
- Surprisingly to me the only sound I hear are the pages flipping by my finger. It seems like the pages going together are silent. This paper looks to be really well constructed.

If not, what is your experience like?

Can you feel the breeze?
- I do feel the breeze and I also smell the new paper.
Can you move something with the wind generated from the book?
- Yes, if there were very light things in its way, it would be able to move them with no doubt.
Could you use this book to win a game you created using the book's wind power?
- I think I could. I'm great at games.
Drop the book on the floor.

What did you experience?
- I felt a bit of fear that it would mess up my new book. I was worried that it might get a dent or a tear.

Did you sense the vibrations the book made?
- Yes. I dropped it close to my feet so I would be able to feel this.

Did you feel it in your feet?
- Yes.

Take your shoes off. Now drop the book. Was there any difference?
- I did feel a bigger vibration when I dropped the book by my feet with my shoes off.

Hold the book between your hands with one hand on each cover and the book closed. Close your eyes.

Is the book cold? Hold it like that for at least one minute.
- The book was cold. It reminded my of the cold side of the pillow, when your head is super hot and you flip the pillow over and it is one of the most delightful feelings in the world
Now feel the cover. Can you feel the temperature change from where your hands were to where they were not?
- There was a definite change in temperature. The book became warmer very quickly.
Have you ever been aware of this before when you were holding a book to read it?
- Yes, I have noticed it before, but I guess I have never paid so close of attention to it.

If your heat transfers in this situation and you noticed it because I asked you to, why do you think you have never noticed it before?
- I guess I have never thought about it. It has always just happened before and I noticed it but didn't give it a second thought.
If you have noticed the temperature of a book you were holding before, describe why you noticed it.

Smell the book.

What does the smell make you think of?
- The smell makes me think of a library. I haven't been in a library for a long time, but the smell takes me back there instantly.
If you can't think of anything, describe the smells you can sense. (Interesting fact: Did you know that I have friends [many librarians, actually] who choose their books partly based on how they smell? Honestly.)

I do not recommend tasting the book for health and safety issues… :-)


Now, finally, read the first page. If it is just pictures, read the story of the pictures.

What is the title of this book?
- Catching Fire

Based on the first page, explain why you think the book was titled that.
- I think the first page doesn't do a good job of explaining the title, but probably rarely does one. But the first page DOES bring you into an interesting story straight away, which helps grab your attention and helps you keep reading.

Reflect back on this entire exercise.

What is your experience like with the book now that you have experienced it differently?
- I think I will look at this book differently and I will also try to look at future books I read differently. I will try to experience the entirety of the book, not just the story.
Do you still find books to be boring, assuming you did in the first place?
- It takes a really good book for me not to be bored with it. I really enjoy some books, and then other books don't keep my attention and I don't finish them.

What, if anything has changed for you in regards to books?
- I just think I'll be looking at them differently. I'll try to experience the whole book and not just the story or the words.
Now think about this class.

How did I "fishbowl" this assignment?
- I think you fishbowled it by making it all about just a book, or maybe just about the same book.
What do you think the point is of this exercise?
- To show us that we can look at things differently in almost any aspect of our lives. That we need to enjoy things in a different way and out of the ordinary. Keep life something other than mundane.
What can you take from this exercise that might help you with future projects?
- I will look at things differently and try to REALLY understand what I am supposed to be getting out of the future projects.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Limitation Creation

Here is the creation I made to visualize my frustration with being brain blocked on a project.









'Twas the project that excited me

I use a lot of different types of software, as do a lot of people in my profession and my passion of computer stuffs. I was reformatting my computer a lot at one point and setting up new computers at home and work a lot. It seemed like I was always downloading the same applications, but I was downloading them as I needed them.

So I got to thinking that if I am always using these applications and end up needing every single one then they are probably pretty important to my life. Then I thought that maybe it would help others to see what they were, download them, and see how they helped me.

So I thought the best way to do this would be a website. I would use my personal website and put these things in columns with pop-over descriptions of what they were, and then a little more about what I would use them for. Then a person could just download them with a click and use them themselves.

I thought that this would also be perfect for me to use when I setup a new computer. I would go to my own webpage and begin downloading everything I needed. It would suffice as my memory for what I wanted to download.

So that's what was going to happen when I first had the idea. Then I started on the project. And then I got extremely busy and this project turned into a webpage that was actually used to host my portfolio. And that's what it still is now.


LIMITATIONS

The limitations that forced me to change the project were mainly time. I had many other obligations including school, getting things ready for my daughter's birthday, working on my shed, and did I mention school? School, school, school. So, to finish an obligation for school, I turned my project into a portfolio page for a class that I was in. I have had a bit of time to refine that over the last few months, but haven't gotten back into my original project.

I would honestly say though that the biggest limitation that I had was a brain block. I couldn't do what I wanted to quickly enough when I sat down with time. I tried several times, but it just didn't flow. Too bad too, because it would have been pretty cool.

BEAD

My limitation that there were too many things that could be done, but I wanted to do something that was going to be lasting and memorable for me. I didn't want to put it on a necklace, or a bracelet or anything like that. I didn't want to glue it onto something. That's when I decided if I put it on my guitar that I would be able to look at it a lot and have it serve as a long term reminder for me to think differently and see sideways.


So how I felt when I got the brain block, was just that; a brain block.

So I created a brain block. I will put that in another post following this one because the pictures aren't going where I want them to correctly. Stay tuned...




Monday, January 23, 2012

Class memories 1/23

Something that stood out today in class for me was the fact that there were a few people talking and a lot of people not talking. It made my wonder why I felt uncomfortable talking and also why sometimes it seems that everyone in a class talks and sometimes it is only a few people.

I think, for me, it is hard to be in a class of this size and have a few strong commenters because I want whatever I say to be profound. I don't want to speak for the sake of speaking. But I realize that I am very rarely profound and I may be putting too much pressure on myself.

Then I got to wondering; what if the few speakers were not as strong? By that I mean I wonder if the rest of the class would feel more apt to talk if the people that did speak a lot weren't so seemingly strong in their comments. I will continue to ponder this as class progresses this semester.

My roll today

Today I agreed with the idea that one of my clever classmates came up with. I agreed rather enthusiastically.

To complete the in class project, I wrote down a favorite movie quote and then read a different quote when my time came to read.

I had fun in class today!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Bead



I thought and thought about what I could do with my bead that would be useful for me. I wanted to do something with it that would help me see things a bit differently and keep an open mind.

I decided to put it on my guitar strings. I thought that this would be a good reminder that people watching me play may not be seeing things the way that I see them, and to kind of "see things sideways" as much as I can.

It will also server another purpose. It will keep me motivated to play things differently and keep the show interesting. The worst thing in the world is to go see someone play and they take themselves too seriously and become incredibly stale.

I'm not a good guitar player or anything, but my strength lies in entertaining. The bead will help me remember that and to keep humble and realize my place is to make people enjoy their time they spend with me. Not to deliver epiphanies.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Class Reflection for Mon, Jan 9

Class today was a good introduction into what I think the semester will be like. I am excited to see where things go. I like the idea of broadening my horizons and seeing how I can challenge myself for my last semester.

I got a clear idea of what this semester would be like and I like what I saw. It seems like there will be a lot of experimentation and discussion, which I hope I'll find pretty cool.

I'm looking forward to it!